After I wrote the post about the 15 phrases I never would have said if I didn’t have kids, I started thinking about all the funny phrases I wouldn’t have heard if I didn’t have kids. Kids are just stinking funny. Especially those 2-5-year-olds. They say hilarious things constantly throughout the day, and usually they have no idea they are being funny, which makes them even funnier. I have tried to write down the funny things my kids say right when they say it… usually in a Facebook post, because in my experience when I think to myself– oh, I will remember that– I usually forget it by the next day and wish I had written it down. I would love to hear some of the funny things your kids have said to you! Here are my 25 hilarious kid moments to brighten your day.
1– Just yesterday my almost 6-year-old daughter said to me, “Mom, this orange juice doesn’t taste very good after drinking bath water.” Oh…Ok. good to know. I’ll be sure not to drink any bath water before I have a glass. Wha??!
2– When my daughter was 4, she walked outside on a cold evening, took a couple of breaths, and came back in and said, “Mom! I accidentally smoked out there!”
3– This same daughter, when she was 4 said, “Mommy- no one ever tucks you in at night. I want to tuck you in.” I said, “Oh, that’s so sweet of you! Let me wash my face and brush my teeth and then you can tuck me in.” As she tucked the covers around my neck, she said, “Mom, I like your eyes. Even with your make-up off. They’re not that ugly!” Sweeter words have never been spoken to me. 😉
4– Another daughter came upstairs crying when she was 4 and said to me, “Mom, dad just slapped me in the face and he won’t let me drink water!” This sounded a little out of character for my husband, so I asked for his side of the story. He said he thought she had poured a poisoness liquid in her cup so he knocked it out of her hand before she could take a drink and accidently knocked her face as well. I said, “Sweetie, dad wasn’t trying to hurt you. He was trying to save your life,” to which she yelled back very dramatically, “I DON’T HAVE A LIFE!!”
5– When my oldest daughter was 3, one of my cousins came to visit. She had just dyed her hair platinum blonde. I said, “Can you give your cousin a hug sweetie?” She looked at my cousin warily and said, “No.” I asked her why not and she said, “Because I don’t like her hair.” I said, “Why don’t you like her hair?” She replied, “Because it’s full of contention and it doesn’t have enough gratitude.”… Okay?
6– After I had my last baby, my sister offered to pick my girls up from school one day and let them play at her house to give me a little break. My 8-year-old said to my sister, “So, thanks for letting us come play today! It will be nice for my mom to have a break from us crazy heads to relax or eat.” It is always good to have a chance to eat. 😉
7– I asked my 5-year-old daughter what she wanted to be for Halloween. She said, “A bear or a crow.” First of all, wha?! I asked her, “Do you even know what a crow is?” She said, “Fine! I’ll just be a magpie.” Naturally…
8– My 7-year-old daughter came up to me one day and said, “Mom, I made up a song I want to sing to you. It’s called ‘The Cricket Gets a Ticket Tonight.’ Yeah… I didn’t see that one coming. My guess is he was disturbing the peace.
9– On Mother’s Day, my husband asked our girls to do the dishes. Then he promptly went upstairs to work on something and left me to be the enforcer. My 7-year-old wasn’t being very helpful and I said to her, “Honey, will you please just clear the counter?” To which she replied, “Just because it is Mother’s Day doesn’t mean it’s all about YOU!!” I’ll have to remember that logic on her birthday. 😉
10– We were driving in the car and the song “Call Me Maybe” came on. My 5-year-old daughter said, “It isn’t really hard to look at your baby, is it mom? (after thinking for a minute) Well, maybe it just is for her.”
11– I walked in my girls’ bedroom to wake them up one morning and my then 4-year-old daughter said to me, “Wait for it, wait for it. Da-da-da-DA! I didn’t have bad dreams last night!”
12– One, day I said to my girls, “Let’s go get some pizza.” My then 4-year-old daughter replied, “Yay! Are we going to Little Sneezers?” Ew. I hope not.
13– This was my 7-year-old daughter’s handwritten to-do list one day.
Pretty darn hectic schedule, right there. I wish that was my to-do list.
14– My 6-year-old daughter came into me crying one night. I asked her what was wrong. She said, “I feel bad for our old toilet. I can’t believe you guys just threw it in the garbage like that.” It literally took me 15 minutes to convince her that toilets don’t actually have feelings and she didn’t need to cry about it. I want my children to be compassionate and all, but…
15– While picking raspberries with 5 yr. old: Me: Sweetie, you are doing a great job! 5-year-old: Thanks. Thanks, Mom. Thanks for telling me I am doing great. Mom, I have a lot of love inside me, and just a little bit of mean. Me: Yeah, honey. Me too. Me too. We’ll work on it. 🙂
16– My sister, while we were in the car with all of our kids, said, “Does anyone need to go to the bathroom.” My then 2 1/2-year-old daughter without missing a beat said, “No potty words, k Jan?”
17– When my oldest daughter was 7, she put on my husband’s helmet and jacket and had her two younger sisters calling her daddy. I said, “Hey, Tay, take those off.” She whispered, “Mom, shhh, you’ll blow my cover.”
18– We were at my mom’s house and when my then 4-year-old saw their dog, Oreo, she said, “Mom, is Oreo gonna be a dog all day?” … Um, yep- I’m pretty sure that’s his plan. 🙂
19– I told this same 4-year-old that I thought she was cute and I liked her a lot. She said, “Mom are you just being happy and regular (pronounced regalar) and nice?” I wonder what she thought I was being the rest of the time.
20– My sister and her husband came over for dinner one night and made Lime Rickies (grape soda with limes squeezed in) for us to drink. They put a little in our then 2-year-old daughter’s sippy. She took a swig, held her sippy at arms length so she could look at it, and said, “Ahh. That’s a good baba.”
21– This same 2-year-old was upstairs one day and I kept asking her to come down. Finally, I said, “Come downstairs right now!” She looked at me and with the drama of 14-year-old girl said, “I am not a child!”
22– One day my friend was over visiting and my then 3-year-old daughter spilled her drink all over the floor. She looked up at me and said, “It’s ok. You’ll clean it up.”
23– My cousin took my 3-year-old daughter out for breakfast one morning. She sat down at the table and saw a knife with her place settings. She looked at him and said, “I’m not supposed to have these…. (and then cocking her head shyly said) but I could try.”
24–I was frosting brownies and got distracted by a phone call. I turned around and my then 3-year-old daughter was licking frosting off her finger. I got her down and told her that wasn’t okay. A little while later I started frosting again. She climbed up on a stool, looked at the frosting and said, “Um, mom, I think your phone needs you.” Sly like a fox she is.
25– And to end on just a really adorable note, this same sweet girl when she was three said ,“If I draw a picture for Jesus, then He would hang it on his refrigerator because He loves me,” and “you know Jesus? He just always gives me a hug, and I just almost like Him.”
AAAAHHHH! How do you deal with the cuteness!!!
My girls back in the day when they were saying these funny things. Makes me a laugh and also want to cry when I think about how grown up they are getting.
Now, it’s your turn to make me laugh. What are some of the funny things your kids have said to you?